


You Can't Hold My Heart

by ShrimpWithGlasses



Series: The All About Luv Project [12]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Childhood Friends, Friendship/Love, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, Kihyun and Wonho are here too but for like a paragraph, M/M, Marriage, referenced JooHyuck, referenced ShowWon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:02:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25681732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShrimpWithGlasses/pseuds/ShrimpWithGlasses
Summary: We Tried to Make a Way, but We Got Lost and Swept Away
Relationships: Lee Minhyuk/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu
Series: The All About Luv Project [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662577
Kudos: 8





	You Can't Hold My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite to my 1st version of a ShowHyuk story based on the All About Luv track. It's still up, but read with caution as I hate it, but some people are about it ig (I like this version more).

In the bustling city of Seoul, where paths cross and people thrive, 2 lives would be intertwined. Minhyuk having just moved into the city with his family, he was nervous about the sights and sounds unfamiliar to him. I mean, he was only 5 years old. He sat in the living room playing with his puppy as his family settled inside. His mother made her way to him and gestured him to wash up, as they were going to introduce themselves to the family across from them. All washed up, he put on his shoes and made his way across the street.

He fiddles with the end of his shirt as his mother politely rang the doorbell. As the door opened, he hid behind his mother, peeking enough to see who opened it. There stood a boy, not much older than him it seemed, with a blank look in his eyes. Minhyuk’s mother greeted him and asked if his parents were around. As the boys’ mother appeared behind him, the two ladies properly greeted one another with a bow, having the boys follow suit. After introductions, Minhyuk and his mother were invited inside.

As the young women talked at the dining table, the two kids were left to play in the living room. Minhyuk, still being nervous, kept running back to his mother’s arms. The boys’ mother laughed and reassured him that her son, Hyunwoo, wasn’t anyone to be fearful of. Hyunwoo, taking notice of how shy Minhyuk was, ran into his bedroom. After a bit of rustling, Hyunwoo ran back out and stood in front of Minhyuk. He nervously held out a small whale toy, almost as a peace offering to him. Minhyuk’s eyes sparkled and excitedly took the toy.

Hyunwoo had managed to make Minhyuk feel at ease, and the two played the night away until they fell asleep on the living room floor. The mothers watched endearingly as they noticed the two holding hands as they slept, and of course took a picture to save the memory. Hyunwoo’s mother gifted the whale toy to Minhyuk and shared how pleased she was that another boy around her sons age has moved in, as he seemed to be feeling lonely as of late. The two bid one another a good night, and Minhyuk was tucked into bed, still clinging on to that whale toy.

-

Growing up together, they became inseparable. Where you found one, you could almost certainly find the other. Hyunwoo, being a year older than Minhyuk, felt that responsibility to take care of Minhyuk, as an older brother would do. Even when they entered Middle School, they were still as attached as ever. They met up whenever that had free time between classes, and luckily had some together too. They often ate lunch together and made mutual friends, including classmates named Hoseok and Kihyun.

These times were often filled with bickering between Minhyuk and Kihyun, but Hyunwoo found it fun to watch the two get heated. Of course, he had to step in when thing get borderline physical. Hyunwoo found that it got much easier handling Minhyuk when he got frustrated, and in turn Minhyuk found comfort in knowing Hyunwoo always had his back.

When the conversation turned to girls and dating, the two found it uninteresting. As their friends would talk about who the cutest girl in school was, Hyunwoo and Minhyuk focused on the next volume of the comic they were reading. Most boys their age would be fawning over girls, but those two never paid it any mind. It didn’t bother them. Until one day Hyunwoo found a love letter in his desk, asking him to meet at the park after school. Curious, the friend group followed and spied on the two.

It was in fact a confession, from a girl the guys had deemed part of the Top 10 Prettiest Girls in School, no less. As the rest of the guys chattered in envy, Minhyuk just watched. Waiting to see how Hyunwoo would respond, ignoring the pit that grew in his stomach. As the girl bowed and ran away, it was obvious that he rejected her. The guys jumped on him, exclaiming that they couldn’t believe he turned her down. Minhyuk took notice of Hyunwoo’s change in demeanor and informed the guys that they needed to go. He grabbed Hyunwoo’s hand as they ran on home.

Minhyuk took it upon himself to drag Hyunwoo to his house, and invited him up to his room, using ‘studying for a test’ as an excuse not to be interrupted. As they sat on the floor of his bedroom, Minhyuk took a deep breath before asking Hyunwoo why he rejected her. His only response was a shrug and a soft _‘I don’t know.’_ Minhyuk felt guilty that he was relived Hyunwoo rejected her, which made him sure about something that he had known for quite sometime now.

Minhyuk took another deep breath and prepared himself.

The look on Hyunwoo’s face when Minhyuk told him that he was gay was one unexpected. Minhyuk had feared he’d lose his best friend but didn’t want to keep this side of himself a secret to him either. Hands shaking, he looked to his friend who was still in shock. Before he could say another word, Hyunwoo let out a sigh of relief. He looked at Minhyuk, eyes softer than usual, and told him the reason he’d rejected her was because he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him alone. The two sat silent, one that was met with a mutual understanding and feelings.

They intertwined their fingers and held each other’s hand like they used to.

But now it meant something more.

-

It was Junior year of High School, and the two had secretly been dating since that night, 4 years ago. They had yet to come out to their family, or anyone else for that matter. Things were still the same, but just add more kisses and sneaking out in the middle of the night dates to the mix. And the closeness that had with each other since childhood was still present. But as people get older, the more 2 guys being as close as they were was seen strange. Whenever they were together, Minhyuk felt the stares. He heard the snide comments. He tried paying less attention to them, but he wasn’t as strong as Hyunwoo.

One afternoon during free period, when Hyunwoo lost at rock-paper-scissors and had to get lunch for both of them, Minhyuk was cornered by some guys in the classroom. He never noticed how small he felt without Hyunwoo beside him, and the nervousness he thought he grew out of came flooding back to him. They mocked him, teased him, saying how it was cute that he and his boyfriend were always together. They messed around him, joking that if they got too close, they’d catch ‘the gay disease’. One of them said the idea of two guys together was just plain disgusting. Their laughs clouded Minhyuk's mind.

And drowned out any sense of reason.

_“It is gross, isn’t it? There’s no way I’d go out with guy.”_

He jumped at the sound of plastic wrapping slamming his desk. He looked up to see Hyunwoo, eyes not looking directly at him, but past him. The guys from before had snuck away, leaving the two alone. Minhyuk felt sick, like something was caught in his throat. Hyunwoo had left to sit at his own desk, away from Minhyuk. He said nothing, and Minhyuk was too in shock to do anything but sit there and think about what he’d just done. The day passed dreadfully slow, but when the time came where the two usually walked home together, Minhyuk found that Hyunwoo went on without him.

And that’s how the remaining year of high school went on. Minhyuk was left alone. There was no official ‘Let’s break up.’ But the two never really spoke to one another like they used to. And whenever Minhyuk tried to make things right again, he was met with a cold shoulder from Hyunwoo, which always froze him in his tracks. Minhyuk now felt the one thing he feared most: the lack of warmth in the palm of his hands.

Oddly enough, they attended the same University. But with Hyunwoo studying Dance and Minhyuk Art, their interactions became nonexistent. Minhyuk was lucky just to see Hyunwoo passing by. But it seemed all he could do was distract himself by making art. Even though they lived right across from one another, the distance between them only ever seemed to grow larger and larger.

On one Saturday morning, he was shaken awake by his frantic mother. He sat up, rightly drowsy and confused as to why his mother was in such a panic. She scolded him, saying how could he sleep in on today of all days. Minhyuk only tilted his head in confusion, still having no clue as to what she was talking about. His mother froze and asked him if he really didn’t know. Minhyuk only shook his head as his mother slowly sat on the bed beside him, explaining what was happening.

It only took hearing the words ‘Hyunwoo’ and ‘leaving’ in the same sentence for him to jump up and put on the nearest clothes. His mother told him where he needed to go and Minhyuk was out the door. And he ran like never before.

His mother explained that Hyunwoo was selected for a Dance Workshop in the U.S, and that he was leaving in an hour. Minhyuk’s mind was racing. Hyunwoo was leaving, just like that. And he never knew about, no, Hyunwoo didn’t _want_ him to know. Minhyuk believed that Hyunwoo hated him, and he had every right to. He hurt him in the worst way possible. But he refused to let it end like this.

As he arrived at the airport, he rushed inside and searched around for a familiar figure. He looked through a crowd that was headed towards a plane that was boarding. And in a flash, he found himself gripping onto a hand that he hadn’t felt in years. Hyunwoo turned his way, in shock that he was there. Minhyuk gripped his hand tighter and looked at Hyunwoo. Tears welled up in his eyes and he felt his words get caught in his throat again. Hyunwoo gently removed Minhyuk’s hand and let out a soft _“I’m sorry.”_

Their hands lingered together. _“Me too.”_ Hyunwoo let go of Minhyuk and boarded his plane.

And it would be years until Minhyuk would see him again.

-

As Minhyuk washed off his brushes in his sink, he was startled by the sudden whack to the top of his head. He whipped around, paintbrush at the ready, to see who it was. The culprit, now giggling at his reaction, was Honey. His partner. Minhyuk sulked a bit and placed down his brush. Honey waved around what seemed to be an invitation addressed to Minhyuk. He dried his hands and took the letter. As he read it, a warm smile spread across his face. Honey asked if it was from a friend of his. Minhyuk laughed and nodded. He handed the letter back to Honey and advised him to have a tux prepared for next Sunday.

Minhyuk was set up by the entrance to the church. His easel and paint ready to go, and Honey right by his side. He had never been to a wedding before, so he was nervous. He wondered if he’d feel the same when he’d get married. As that thought passed through his mind, he made eye contact with Honey. He let out a cough of embarrassment. As the organs began to play, and the crowd silenced, he waited for who’d be walking through those doors. And as they opened, he felt his chest swell up as a familiar face headed down the aisle.

There at the altar was Hyunwoo. He looked amazing. And in front of him stood the love of his life, someone he met at the workshop he went to all those years ago, another dancer named Hyungwon. As he painted the two, he couldn’t help but smile (and tear up a bit) when they placed the rings on one another. As they sealed it with a kiss, the audience cheered, and the after party could commence.

As the newly wed couple walked around, greeting the guests, they arrived at Minhyuk’s painting. Hyunwoo and Hyungwon were amazed at the painting and looked to thank whoever made it. It was then that, after years of waiting, Minhyuk and Hyunwoo finally meet again. Hyunwoo stood in disbelief as Minhyuk showed off the painting once more with a smile. Hyungwon nudged him, and Hyunwoo returned to his senses. He thanked Minhyuk but insisted that they’d pay for it. Minhyuk only shook his head in response, saying it was his gift to the 2nd best couple he knew, after he and his Honey. They all laughed as Honey punched Minhyuk’s arm. And for just a moment, the two shared a glance at one another, and smiled just like they used to when they were younger.

Even after 20 long years, their love for one another remained. And though it has changed meaning throughout those years, the fact still stands that they are important to one another and wished nothing but love and happiness for one another.

Even if the warmth of their hands now belong to someone else.

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like that Spongebob writing his essay meme, except I was ACTUALLY doing it. My mind literally exploded coming up with this version. Gimme some of that bitterweetness plzz. But thanks to those who've waited patiently for the rewrite!


End file.
